This is one of the first photos I took on the other side of burnout. I took it while on a walk with my dog before work one day.

I had just returned to work after spring break. During that spring break, I took a solo trip to Monterey for a couple of nights. That trip was transformative for me because I was at a point where I felt like I was in this weird state of limbo. Intellectually, I knew that I was burned out and I knew that something needed to give. And then I took that trip and it was the first time I realized how unlike myself I had been feeling. Because while I was in Monterey, I felt like I clicked back into place. That was the moment that I felt like I needed to do something to get back to myself, because the thought of spending the next 30 years of my career only feeling like myself for the 13 weeks that I’m on break each year made me want to crumple into a ball right there in the bookstore I was perusing aimlessly.

I didn’t know what to do but I knew I had to do something. I thought about what my favorite parts of being on break were. What were the aspects of break that I savored, that I looked forward to the most? And how could I work to incorporate some of those things into my everyday?

For me, it’s a calm and peaceful morning. That’s my favorite part of being on break. I get to set the pace of my day when I’m on break, and even if I have chores or obligations later in the day, at least I have a little sliver of time to move slowly. Those mornings are sacred to me. I relish in the feeling of the cool air, watching the sky slowly lighten, and feeling the world wake up. I appreciate that I have the time to sip a cup of coffee at my own pace, and then make myself breakfast, lovingly taking the time to combine the ingredients and create a meal that is exactly what I want in that moment.

Under normal circumstances, I despise running behind schedule, or even exactly on time. I prefer to factor in time to do all the things I need to do to get out the door, as well as a little buffer in case something happens on the road that I need to account for. During the height of my burnout, I was waking up later and later every day. Snoozing my alarm for 30 minutes…45 minutes…sometimes 60 minutes. Some days, I allowed myself a mere fifteen minutes to get up, throw on an outfit, brush my teeth and pull my hair up into a ponytail before getting on the road. I was frequently opting out of taking my dog for a morning walk because I was too tired, which in turn made me feel like a steaming pile of garbage. The shame cycle was real.

I realized that I needed time to myself on weekday mornings. And I needed to start by scheduling it in. So, I set my alarm for 30 minutes earlier than usual, stopped letting myself snooze and forced myself to wake up and immediately get out the door for a walk. Once the walk was finished, I would make myself a cup of coffee and allow myself the time to sit and sip on it until 30 minutes before I needed to be out the door, which was the time I needed to get myself dressed and ready for work. However I decided to spend that time was up to me, and for a while all I did was sit and stare at the wall or scroll social media. Now, I might use that time to do some yoga, or get a cycling workout done, or read for a little while. Or I might still stare at the wall or scroll social media. But, it’s MY time, and if I don’t get any more time to myself that day, at least I knew I had already given myself that gift.

That one change to my routine gave me enough energy to start incorporating other self-care strategies into my days and to start rebuilding all of the healthy habits that had eroded over time. It was not fast, and it was not easy. I’m not here to promise you a quick 180. It was baby steps upon baby steps upon baby steps, with a lot of stumbles along the way. And honestly, I don’t know if I could have done it without also being in therapy and actively working on my weak (or nonexistent!) boundaries and my tendency toward people-pleasing. But the first thing I needed to do was triage my burnout. To recognize and accept that this was my current state and to start implementing little, manageable things to help stop the bleeding. Once that was under control, I could work on getting to a place where I was implementing preventative measures, but for now I needed to stop it from getting worse. Here are some of the things I tried that, looking back, I think had the greatest impact overall in managing my burnout once I allowed myself to accept my newly realized truth.

• Sleep. My sleep schedule was terrible. I was staying up way too late, either unable to shut my brain off or sometimes too exhausted to engage in the routine of putting myself to bed. I tried all sorts of sleep aids–melatonin gummies, melatonin sprays, melatonin body scrubs, CBD, magnesium, specially-ordered magnolia flower tea, meditation, the list goes on. Ultimately what worked the best for me was a combination of a few things: eliminating screen time for at least 30 minutes before sleep, getting more movement in throughout the day, and cutting out alcohol.
• Balancing my nutrients. When I felt like I was starting to do all the right things, but my energy levels weren’t returning to what they used to be, I asked my doctor to check my bloodwork. Sure enough, I was low on iron, B12, zinc, magnesium, and severely low on vitamin D. My doctor put me on two different vitamin D supplements–a mega-dose to take once a week for 12 weeks to bring my levels back to the normal range in addition to a regular daily dosage to maintain my levels after they evened out. Sometimes I get off track, especially when I’m out of my normal routine for extended periods of time (school breaks), but it’s noticeable to me now when I’ve been off of them for too long and need to get back into the habit.
• Quitting drinking. This one was huge. Alcohol was affecting my energy, my mood, my sleep, my overall physical health, and many other areas of my life. Continuing to drink regularly during this period was beginning to feel like a compulsion, a dangerous choice. My alcohol use was counterintuitive, really. I would use it to try to encourage sleep, but I would stay up later than I should have continuing to drink, and then my sleep would be shallow, fitful, and not restful at all. And then, because of the lack of quality sleep, I would have a frustrating day the next day, and feel as though I needed a drink to unwind. This choice ultimately led to many other positive and healthy changes that I’m sure I’ll address later on down the road, but we’re talking triage here, and sobriety was instrumental in that.
• Therapy. On any given day, teachers run the gamut of emotions. Ups and downs, highs and lows, sometimes mere minutes apart. As someone who’s always habitually stuffed feelings down and out of the way instead of identifying, acknowledging, and processing them, I got to a point where I realized I needed some help in that department. Without going into too much detail, therapy became a very empowering, validating, and rewarding experience for me. If you have the ability to access mental health care, I highly suggest it.

As mentioned above, these are the things that worked the most effectively for me when it came to stopping my burnout from destroying any more of me. Come back on Friday to read about how I’ve since gone on to work toward preventing burnout from showing its face around here again.

Take care of yourself.